Bonds in Culture

Angela Carroll
COM 360
Dr. Wilson
9-8-11

Marriage

Marriage, like many concepts in society, carries with it a culturally defined meaning. Marriage in one culture, even one protected by legal documents, maybe completely ignored or disregarded in another. Your culture determines a large number of things regarding marriage, including; to whom you want and can get married to, what roles you and your spouse must play in the marriage, your feelings about marriage, and, most importantly for some of us, who plans and who pays for the marriage!

Apart of the American culture, for example, is the idea of the bride, demanding all her ridiculous desires to be met for ‘her’ special day. Her groom is usually shown with a pale face, silently nodding at the expenses while he screams in agony on the inside. They are both paying some of the expenses mind you, but the poor groom is the only one thinking ‘logically’ about it.
Once a joke made by comedians and sitcoms, this concept of the crazed, money burning bride has even become the subject of numerous reality television shows.

GOLD LEAF SHAVINGS ON THE CAKE!!!!

Marriage, according to this view, should be marked with a big extravagant ceremony which shows how much the couple loves each other but also how they wealthy they are, at least how wealthy they want to appear to be, in this capitalist society.

Of course, this surreal version of marriage isn’t the truth for many Americans.

In my own microculture, the idea of marriage could be held at a courthouse and not necessarily in a large church with huge cakes and pretty dresses. Of course, some people would consider this marriage to be ‘loveless’ or ‘desperate’. The idea of a marriage without a ceremony can be taken as a sign of low status, or having a low position in society (156).

In America and elsewhere, those in loving, same-sex relationships would just be happy to be allowed to be married in this way. Many would also enjoy having their marriage to be recognized across their state, for America, or across country lines.

The concept of the bride and love driven marriage, however, is also certainly not the truth for many.

Many different cultures, including the culture of Americans in the past, regard marriage as a business transaction and brides have no say in the marriage. These cultures might require a dowry, a payment of goods and/or services from the bride’s family to the groom’s, to establish the bond (136).

When learning about the Roma, an ethnic group commonly and mistakenly called ‘gypsies’, in a class covering Diverse Peoples, we watched a movie titled Roma Stories . We were introduced to a particular group living in Bari, Italy.

In this group, a fourteen-year old girl named Dorina was arranged to marry a man named Dasu. Dorina’s family and Dasu’s family met and talked about her faults and her positive qualities. Her family gave the Dasu’s family rose liquor and money to seal the agreement.

To understand this cultural view of marriage, we have to consider that among some Roma, life expectancy is not long, the women have different gender roles, and poverty is common. Marriages like Dorina’s are the way the Roma group in Bari, Italy moves lives on.

In the American society, marriage is less about business (well, when it’s going well. Ask any divorced couples what marriage is really at its core…) and more about the concept of love. For some, our partner is supposed to be our companion, the best friend you could have.

Friendship

Like marriage, the concept of friend has many different meanings. In America, we have various categories and these categories may even blur and mix. We have best friends, acquaintances, family-friends, school friends, friends we talk to online, and, a growing group among some, ‘frienemies’, friends who are really enemies. These different categories of friends may have different responsibilities and expectations that we place on them.

I, for example, have a couple of close friends; most of those are also family. I share nearly everything with them and, amazingly, they don’t freak out from the exposure to my craziness. I expect to listen to their problems and would do anything for them short of murder but I also expect the same from them.

Then there are the acquaintances from school and the neighbors from around my neighborhood that I meet during my daily walks. I may talk a little about my life but I would never expect to be able to confide anything of great importance. Our talk largely consist of various topics, such as dog breeds or/and the threats posed by Twilight to female psyches everywhere.

Then there are those special relationships formed with doctors and professors. These too, I, like others, consider within the realm of friends but also know that these friendships come with a professional boundary.

My friends and acquaintances are a very diverse group, however, there are also people who find interaction with those outside your culture to be a violation of social norms and even lethal to your health.

The Roma are an ethnic group which has been oppressed for centuries. They have been made slaves, cast out of nations, were some of the first to be experimented on by the Nazis (Hancock 42), and are still treated with hate.

As a result, some Roma cultures have a belief that time among those that are not Roma, which to them means everyone not in their group, leads to a slow poisoning of one’s energy. This harm can only be restored by spending time with their group (75).

Even though it isn’t defined in the American culture as it is in some Roma beliefs, everyone can agree that spending time amongst friends can be refreshing.

We enjoy spending time with those who share our common culture.


Work Cited

Hancock, Ian. 2010. We are the Romani People. England: University of Hertfordshire Press

Princigalli, Giovanni. 2003. Roma Stories (Japigia GagÌ). Dvd

Miller, Barbara D. (2010). Cultural Anthropology in a Globalizing World (2nd ed.). Prentice Hall: New York